If You Want, by Absofacto

If You Want

from [Loners] by Absofacto

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about

When I was growing up, the film Harold & Maude was a big deal in my household. My mother introduced it to my sister and me just as we were emerging into teendom. She had been obsessed with it when she was 18, and saw it something like 15 times in the theater.

It was probably the first point in our lives where something really bridged the generational gap between us, loving this strange little movie and its winning combination of dark humor, heartwarming/heartbreaking message about life, and beautiful music by Cat Stevens. It also was probably the first time I really understood that my parents were once as young as myself, and that there was no defined line between being a kid and being an adult... just a long, slow transition across the spectrum of age. It's not as if the 18-year-old girl that was compelled to watch this film over and over suddenly disappeared one day, being replaced by an unrelated adult pod-person version; the same girl was actually sitting there in the room with us. She was just at a later point on the spectrum, a point I'd slowly and smoothly transition to as well.

Anyway, Harold & Maude will always have a special place in my heart because of all that. The music in particular is always with me. Spontaneously singing "Trouble" has helped me through more than one tough time. If you haven't heard "Trouble" and "If You Want to Sing Out," go search them on YouTube right away, please!

I didn't sit down to write an homage to "If You Want to Sing Out." Musically, my song has very little to do with it... but as soon as I sang the first line, "If you want to walk away, then you can," I knew where the sentiment was being borrowed from. Normally I wouldn't run with such a direct lyric like that, but it just felt right. Of course, I put my own spin on the concept and left the door cracked open for some self-deprecating pessimism to sneak in... you know me...

lyrics

If you want to walk away, then you can
and if you want to take your time, then you can
but if you want my advice, you should stick it out for a while
You should know by now, we can work it out if we try

If you want to speak your mind, then you can
and if you want to speak mine, then you can
and if you want my advice,
I don't know why you would,
but in case you want it it's all yours,
but what do I know anyhow?

If you want to go today, then you can
or if you'd rather just stay, then you can
but if you want my advice, you should stick it out for a while
I think a good thing's coming
(although I could be wrong by a mile)

If you want a new world, go build one
and if you want some more time, just take some
if you don't want me anymore
I guess that that's okay
I don't know what I'll do
but I'll be glad for you (in a way)

If you want a new life, just make one
and if you want some new love, go find some
If you don't want me anymore
I guess that that's okay
I might bug out,
but I'll get over it in a number of days
(if I can at all)